M. Patricia Hogan, Ph.D.  

Licensed Psychologist

Charlotte, NC

M. Patricia Hogan, Ph.D.
319 S. Sharon Amity Rd.
Charlotte, NC 28211
ph: 704-442-0035

Tips for Relationships

 

  • Take care of yourself first.  It’s hard to build a healthy relationship with someone else if you don’t love, respect, and know yourself.

 

  • Emphasize internal vs. external determinants of happiness.  Happiness is a choice; making it contingent on acquiring things or relationships puts you in a very insecure position.

 

  • Relationships are living things that evolve over time.  It is important to keep learning new skills and applying them.  Workshops and books can help here.

 

  • In a relationship, accept that your partner is a different person, and will likely see many situations differently from you.  If you work on becoming secure in yourself, then differences aren’t so threatening.

 

  • Everyone wants to be heard and validated.  It’s not necessary to agree on everything, but it’s important to be willing to listen without judgment.

 

  • Actively look for ways to have fun together and surprise each other.

 

  • Make time for each other – have a regular “date night”.

 

  • Start a gratitude journal – individually and together.  Every day, list 5 things you are grateful for.

 

  • Look for ways that you can change your behavior to improve the relationship, rather than waiting for your partner to change first.

 

  • Remember that you control your behavior and your responses to others – they don’t “make” you feel or act a certain way.

 

  • Choose your actions based on what is the right thing to do, rather than based on the expectation of a certain outcome.

 

  • Seek guidance and support from a professional therapist if conflict is high.

 

 

M. Patricia Hogan, Ph.D.
319 S. Sharon Amity Rd.
Charlotte, NC 28211
ph: 704-442-0035